In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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