yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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