i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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