Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
