From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
