It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
