He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
