If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
