I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I think a kid would responsible me up
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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