my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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