i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
