I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
