her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
