my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
