I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
