Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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