Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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