Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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