their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
