Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
please come you make the beer taste better
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
