I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
