I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
