Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
