I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
