Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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