Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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