Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
