Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
