At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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