Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
