I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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