I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
