You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
