apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
