oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
My vagina is officially offended.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
