one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
