the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
