Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
