Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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