And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
