lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
it was like his penis was on wheels.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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