guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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