Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
