I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
