I accidentally burped into my bong.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
