Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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