She's JV to your varsity
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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