How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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