There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
