remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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